Google: male or female?

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Thanks to http://www.laughfactory.com/

 

Interest in sex

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.” “Nah,” she says, “that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”

Thanks to http://www.laughfactory.com/

 

IJK ;)

Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
Wife: “What does that mean?”
Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Thanks to http://www.laughfactory.com/

 

St. Peter has a question…

Three blondes die and go to St. Peter. He says, “I have one question, and if you get it right, I will let you into Heaven.”

He asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?”

She answers, “That’s the time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey.”

St. Peter says to the next blonde, “What is Easter?”

She answers, “That’s the time of year when the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney and our family gets together to open presents.”

St. Peter asks the third blonde, “What is Easter?”

She says, “That’s when Christ died and they put him in a tomb behind a rock.”

“That’s right!” exclaims St. Peter.

“Then, once a year,” continues the third blonde, “we roll the stone away and he comes out, and if he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter.”

Thanks to http://jokes.cc.com/

 

Pull Over!

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway, and he started chasing after the speeder. When he got close, he saw that it was a woman who was knitting while driving.

The cop yelled, “Pull over!”

She shouted back, “No, it’s a sweater!”

Thanks to http://jokes.cc.com/

 

Question of image

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

A: So she could use it as a mirror.

Thanks to http://jokes.cc.com/